My loved one might need more care than I can provide. What do I do?

By, Nancy Kusmaul, PhD, MSW

Caring for another person can be rewarding, challenging, and overwhelming . Many caregivers choose to care for family members and friends out of a sense of love, or paying someone back for care they have received earlier in life.  But what happens when you can no longer provide that care?
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There are many reasons that you might not be able to continue caring at home. Family leave in the United States is limited, and you may not be able to take any more time off from work. Certain diagnoses, like dementia, can make it hard to provide care, especially if the person needs supervision around the clock for their own safety. Caregivers need to eat and sleep too, and it can be difficult to be “always on” to make sure that someone with dementia does not get hurt. And sometimes someone’s physical needs are just too much, and the caregiver cannot lift, or move, or provide care without great risk to both the caregiver and the person in need of care.
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If this sounds familiar, you have not failed. However, when we care for those we love, we also need to deal with their, and our, emotions and expectations. It is very common for loved ones to have asked to “never put me in a nursing home” or for family members to have promised not to do so. But sometimes that is just not possible. 

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